When Loving Him Is Hurting You: Hope and Help for Women Dealing With Narcissism and Emotional Abuse

Sorry- I CAN'T recommend this book because it is based on the outdated incorrect view that abusers do so because they are "hurt little boys" that are insecure and treat you badly because they are acting defensively..... when in reality (and based on more modern research and understandings about abuse) their actions are all OFFENSIVE tactics based on entitlement rather than defensive mechanisms. Why is this a big deal??? One reason is when an emotionally abused person is told their abuser is a 'hurt little boy' what they hear is that they need to be more understanding and loving... many will stay and endure the abuse to try to help... the mentality that the abuser is a hurt little boy reacting to some slight to their hurt ego reaffirms the victim's confusion about how this is all their fault and keeps them in a dangerous cycle of abuse. I have tried to get through this book looking for any redeeming things and I just can't find enough to overshadow it's faults. I DO recommend "In Sheep's Clothing" by George Simon and "Is it me?" by Natalie Hoffman and "Healing from Hidden Abuse" by Shannon Thomas.

This book described my husband exactly. I couldn't believe it. It's like someone followed me around the last 8 years and then wrote a book about my marriage. It's nice to have a name to what's going (emotional/psychological abuse) and to know I AM NOT CRAZY! And yes, that is the narcissist's goal, to make you think you are crazy! It's totally worth checking out if you are the least bit curious about someone in your life. If you think your husband is incredibly selfish...please read or listen to this book. He may be a narcissist! (Not necessarily the personality disorder). It's so validating and gives some practical advice on how to handle this type of person.

I cried while I was reading this book. It validated ME as a person. A person that has been made to feel like I am always wrong. Always less than. Always the problem. Always thinking in a warped way that NOBODY else agrees with. Wow. This book is an exact reflection of my marriage.

So thankful for this book! If you are a christian wife married to a narcissist or in an emotionally abusive marriage, this is a MUST READ! It helps you identify the recurring pattern of behaviours, make you realize that you're not crazy, and encourages you to define boundaries you need to establish and follow through with consequences.

This book has described my husband. I cried while reading this book. I never thought I was emotionally abused. This book tells how a person with NPD work to manipulate you, and leave you feeling like you’re the one who is at fault, wrong and stupid.

The book is exactly what I needed.....27 years ago. But I'm very grateful for its availability now - better late than never. I'm hoping that more young women would get their hands on this book to help them to make an informed decision even before they get romantically involved. Please date/court with your eyes open - this book which is written in a very candid manner will help you to do just that. It also confirmed to me that I'm not crazy. Don't worry. By the time you are even half-way through the book, you will know if you are dealing with a narcissist or emotional abuser. Thank you Dr Hawkins

I gave the book to my daughter who is married to a narcissist and she found the book very helpful as it deals with both sides of the issue and she was able to acknowledge her aiding and abetting behaviour.Also it is written from a Christian position and the author took a redemptive/compassionate stance.

As a counselor, this is an excellent book for my clients who are in relationships with a person with NPD or being emotionally abused. It is helpful in defining emotional abuse. I especially like that Dr. Hawkins empowers the woman to set boundaries for herself and then let the partner determine if he is willing to make the relationship work instead of the only option being to end the relationship or divorce. This is a practical, helpful resource!

I am so deeply encouraged by reading this book by Dr David HawkinsI am familiar with Dr Hawkin's Biblical approach to therapy (through the Marriage Recovery Centre YouTubes) provided for the countless women who suffer from narcissistic abuse somewhere on the continuum from their partner. I am VERY familiar with contemporary authors and their teaching on this subject but I must say that I am left extremely encouraged after reading this book. I am familiar with the references David quotes. I am planning on referring this book to the many women I meet who struggle in their marriage relationship to take that 'leap of faith' and begin to believe in their life purpose: to seek a deeper understanding of themselves & and not be afraid to pursue a healthy love relationship. I am so impressed that this book provides not only an outline of the destructive qualities of narcissism but also most importantly positive strategies for personal healing through boundary setting & and self care. Thank you Dr Hawkin's for impacting my life in such a positive way through this book.

This book has given me things to reflect on as I decide where I go from here. Brings some clarity to confusing situations.